You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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