Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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