Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
