You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
