God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
