just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
