So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
