if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
