Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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