sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
