dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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