There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
