It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do vagina's smell?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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