Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
