Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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