I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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