had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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