remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
FUCK WHALES
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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