I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
