I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
