I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
