ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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