I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
