He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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