dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
