Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
