based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
