So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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