I need help removing her.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
