Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
