At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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