Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
