oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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