You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
