you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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