told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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