Where is the hickey?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
