He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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