Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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