I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize