Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
