So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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