i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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