My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
