My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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