the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The best revenge is premature balding
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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