I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
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