My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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