a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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