Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
