Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
