Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
