Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
