Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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