there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do herpes really smell.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
