worst night to have a conscience
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize