I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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