he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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