We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
