I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
