In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
