May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
