Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize