Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
