What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
