I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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