Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize