You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just invented taco cereal.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
