and she was petting her beer can
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
