Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
